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tigergirl72

perry the platypus

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October 10th, 2013

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perry the platypus


Lately my mind has been so foggy and I've been so unsure of myself. The last few years have been amazing for me, but ever since I lost my shit when my mom got sick and sandy hit I've been off.

 

My focus is gone, my head has been foggy, I'm needlessly silly, I'm confused. I'm not participating in class like I used to, I usually feel too self Conscious to make the effort.
I don't know what is going on. Emotionally I'm back to where I used to be, but I just feel like I'm not on top of my game.

 

Its like the wind was taken out of my sails and now all I'm doing its desperately trying to blow them back up.
Everything its back to normal, mom is cancer free, grandma is back home, I don't understand this fuzziness.

 

Is this what it feels like not to be absorbed in ones self? I never thought I was until just right now. 

 

1. I cannot take it seriously if I am not playing the part of the counselor.

 

2.  In class today we were role playing working in groups. I played a married woman and my friend played my husband who was infertile. Our other friend played the Social worker and my professor sat behind us to observe. 
We set it up that we already have one child "sherry" and want to have another one but  my husband is infertile.  I want artificial insemination, but he's totally against it because it isn't natural. In the process of me playing the role of the bitter wife I told my husband that basically everything is his fault because "his parts don't work, and mine do!  It was a really nasty statement, I still feel bad about it, but my professor and my two friends jaws dropped!   All I could say was, "holy crap that was nasty," "sorry I'm really tired" and "I'm such a bitch." The good thing is she said she's heard much worse (I'm assuming from real clients).

 

Needless to say the professor took over the session. All I could do was laugh, I'm so embarrassed. Now I feel like she thinks I'm some kind of man hating, Psycho bitch that is unfit for service and is having a horrible case of transference.
(or she thinks I'm hilarious and creative, but in reality I'm leaning towards the former)

 

Either way, I think I deserve an Oscar for my performance.

 

Lessons learned from today: I'm not role playing anymore.

 

 

today in class

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perry the platypus

Professor: "I don't think any college student doesn't drink"

 

me: hides self behind desk as much as possible, hiding that I don't drink.

 

_______________________________

 

its so much easier not to announce my weirdness.

 

February 13th, 2013

Dear Kids, 
I know you're going to hate me sometimes, I understand that, I hate myself sometimes too.  But I promise I'm going to do the best that I can raising you guys, even when times get tough. I'm not going to make any promises that I won't get mad or that I won't yell, because I will and it will happen a lot, but it's only because I'm frustrated at the world, or even your actions but not you. I will always love and respect you, you're a piece of me. But that doesn't mean I won't get upset if you do something stupid, or do something that will ruin your reputation, I have high expectations for you, but its only because I know you can do great things.  You can always do better.  You deserve to do what makes you the happiest, no matter how crazy the plan sounds, if you want it bad enough, you'll fight for it.  

Listen kids, I'm going to teach you to be responsible, I'll teach you to be self-sufficient, and to be smart and kind.  
I'll also teach you things about your country and state, I'll take you to zoos and museums. I'll show you the world, even if you don't want to see it.  You'll learn much more than I'll ever know, and that's okay, you're supposed to learn and grow.  But, I won't do all the work for you, that's your job.  Be curious, explore.  Take risks, and be sure to stop and smell the roses.  Look for details, but learn to admire the big picture.  You'll find observing is more important than doing sometimes.  

I'll spoil spoil you, but you won't realize it until you're older, because you would have worked for all that you got, even if it was just for being a good kid.  You'll be a teacher's dream, and a best friend, and maybe even a worst enemy, but you'll take it in stride, because you know who you are and what you're made of.  

Kids, I'm not perfect, and I know you're not either, no one is. God didn't create us to be perfect, he created us to be us.  So be you, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I promise to love you, I promise to care, I promise to listen, as long as you promise to be the best you can be in every single thing you do, even if its just walking down the street.

Love

Mom.


January 7th, 2013

Barnes and Noble

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perry the platypus

I should just give Barnes and Noble my credit card number and pin, because every time I go in that damn place I buy far more than I need too!
Today I went into the store with the soul purpose of getting my friend a book for christmas.  Well an hour later I came out with my friend's book and a book for myself.  This may not sound like a problem, but I have a stack of about 15 books that I've bought over the last couple of years that I'm not going to get to read until I'm probably out of college and grad school!! 
Today I bought another Dean Koontz book, it looks kind of scary, but like always it will be entertaining because Dean Koontz is awesome.

I'm in the middle of about 4 books right now: Let me list them.
1. Rod-The Autobiography by Rod Stewart

2. A Dean Koontz Book I cannot recall the name of

3. Trains by Merriam Winter

4. The Mirror Effect by Dr. Drew Pinsky

There's probably more, but I can't think of them right now.  I love reading, but I get so caught up with school and life I don't have time to, and when I do I start a book but never have time to finish it! But I start another one because I just want to read.  I'm a mess.
Maybe this summer I'll actually get to read everything I want.

The Rod Stewart book is really good, and I wish I could read more of it faster.  I'm out of practice, and babysitting while reading doesn't help me.  Those kids are always distracting me!!
grr

Ok, maybe bed time, I did just wake up from an accidental nap.

November 19th, 2012

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perry the platypus
So my mom has cancer. This is so difficult to admit, it's not bad cancer, the tumor is out and only 1 lymph node was affected, but it's cancer none the less.  I'm terrified, its hard to talk to people about it because I keep crying.  I'm so scared, my mom isn't worried, so why am I? I hate being so nervous all the time.  She starts her first round of chemo on the Tuesdsay after Thanksgiving and that should last for six months. The chemo is just to clean up everything and make sure everything is out. I'm so scared.  I've been praying everyday because I don't know what else to do, I feel so helpless. 
I know she's going to be fine but the waiting is whats killing me.  I don't even want to be at school, I just want to be in my bed, trying to come to terms with this.  I probably should talk to someone....

September 21st, 2012

(no subject)

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perry the platypus
I wish someone would just love we already.

May 14th, 2012

A nun told me today that I have a "social worker's heart."  
She barely knows me and she told me that.
Sister has no idea how much that made my day and reassured me that I'm in the right place!

May 13th, 2012

Yes, it is finally here, Georgian Court University's finals week! 
I only have one actual final, and it's on Thursday at 8am.  It's my spanish final, I'm probably going to fail, but I don't give a fuck, because I will be done with that class forever!
Also, I'm most likely going to get a B in that class and that makes me really sad, but I'm dealing with it, because that class sucked so bad.  My teacher was terrible, she expected too much from us as beginning students. 
In a rough calculation I have a 95 in the class, which seems REALLY wrong, but we shall see. I'm going to try to calculate it properly, brb.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
After calculating my grade, which I probably did wrong, the calculator says I have a 74 in the class.  That can't be right.  I'd be able to tell you my actual grade, but my teacher is a bitch and never tells us how we're doing and doesn't put our grades on Angel, so no one knows how they're doing. I'm seriously ready to cry.  I can't get a C in this class! I have TOO much riding on my GPA right now. 

Holy shit, I hope I did this wrong, I need to really study for this final so I can get at least a 93 in the class for an A-.
Oh my god, I want to throw up.

May 8th, 2012

RAGE

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perry the platypus
really, you fat, nasty depressed bitch.  You don't like my tone after you cursed me out? you are fucking piece of shit c*** I don't EVER use that word but this bitch is.
I'm so sick of being treated like crap, with one week left in the semester I'm firing back. I've had enough.
NO ONE PUSHED KRISTEN MICHELE FUCKING CLADEK AROUND!
I'VE HAD ENOUGH!
I will forever be the better person in this situation!  You can't expect to hit a dog with out being shown its teeth. 


So fucking done!
13 days left
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